time out Definitions and Synonyms · uncountable a period of time when you stop what you usually do and you rest or do something else instead
Have you ever noticed that when men need some time out they take it? Does it drive you mad? I’m speaking quite generally here and I’m sure there are men who, like many women, feel that they need to get certain things done before they can go ahead and do whatever it is that they would like to do for themselves but as a general rule if men need to take time for themselves, they do. I’m speaking here of perhaps going for a surf or going fishing, playing their favourite video game or even watching a movie on tv. Do you find yourself just looking at them saying ‘well it must be nice for you’, ‘how come he can just go off and do whatever he needs’, ‘he’s so selfish’?
Perhaps, but perhaps we’re missing the point?
I find that women, as a general rule, put caveats on taking time out. Perhaps they say, ‘I don’t have time for that’ or ‘I can’t sit down until the dishes are done, the lunches are packed and the washing is folded’. They put off the very thing that will give them energy to get through the tasks they need to do. They prioritize everything else and everyone else before the things that will fill them up, make them happy and inspire them. To their own detriment.
Most men cannot be accused of not working hard, it is bred into them, to do the hard work. Perhaps not the household chores so much, which is enough to drive us women to distraction, however, perhaps that is exactly what they are here to teach us.That we can do both, work hard and take time when we need to. That when we need a break it is best for everyone if we prioritize it and take the break we need. We become better partners, friends, parents, colleagues. We like ourselves more because we are being kind to ourselves and that kindness reverberates to those around us from our loved ones, to our co-workers, to people in the street.
Yes, this may mean that we need to delegate, that we need to leave things as they are for now, that everything won’t always get done. I know that sometimes I think, well if I don’t do it nobody will do it, but if we simply ask (not nag or whine) 9/10 times, even if they whinge or whine, our loved ones will begrudgingly do what is asked of them, maybe without the perfect precision of doing it ourselves but none-the-less the job will be done. Then perhaps one day, with practise they will see what it means to you for them to just do the small task in exchange for having a wife, mother or partner who’s cup is full and who is a happier version of herself because she prioritizes her own needs, wants and desires over what she ‘should’ be doing.
Relinquishing control or allowing others to help or even asking for what we want may make us uncomfortable. However, the moments you are craving will rejuvenate your lifeforce, they will inspire you, make you happy, motivate you, give you energy and renewal, you will literally become a better version of yourself.
Just in case I haven’t yet convinced you, let me motivate you another way, because I know some of us are people pleasers first and foremost. Would you rather your daughters learn to have a perfectly clean and tidy home and all the jobs done, to their own detriment or worse would you rather your sons learn that that’s what women are supposed to do? Or would you rather them learn to treat themselves with kindness, allow others to take responsibility and initiative, and feel good? Would you rather your legacy be ‘she had the cleanest house but she was always too busy’ or ‘she was so fulfilled and loved her life and people loved being around her’?
When we prioritize our needs we show others how to do the same, it is not selfish, it is the ultimate gift! We are less crabby, grumpy, unsatisfied human beings when we treat ourselves with kindness and grace.
Think of it as the gift that keeps on giving, to everyone.
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